School Reports

It's that time of the year where most parents will be getting their little darlings' end-of-year reports, and where most teachers will be reaching for the gin as they write their 104th comment about how well/badly little Johnny is doing.
As a teacher with nearly 20 years experience of report writing I thought I would de-code some teacher short-hand for you.

• Tom always works with enthusiasm. = Tom cannot sit still and keeps shouting out.
• Annie has an enquiring mind. = Annie never stops asking pointless questions.
• Jessica is quiet and conscientious. = Jessica is a teacher's pet.
• Hugo is a pleasure to teach. = Hugo is the Head Teacher's son.
• Sam is confident and not afraid to express his opinions = Sam is annoying and full of himself.
• I have seen a real improvement in Kyle's attitude = Kyle hasn't hit anyone this week.
• Emma has worked steadily this year and has made reasonable progress. = Emma has done sod all.
• George needs to make more effort in order to make the progress he is capable of = No chance.