The first 'gym genus' is 'Musculus Maximus'. These are the young and not-so-young alpha males who prowl around in a pack in the corner around the free weights saying things like 'Can you come and spot for me, Carl?' or 'You wanna try 20 reps at 50k, mate'. They are usually dressed in Kappa muscle vests and have tattoo sleeves and knuckles which drag on the floor. You can tell they are deadly serious about all this as they wear special gloves and belts. They can easily spend a whole 2 hours in the gym just working on their infraspinatus and make more noise over lifting a few barbells than I did giving birth.
The next group are 'Copularis Magnus', the young women clad in lycra who are spray-tanned to within an inch of their lives. They arrive (and more incredibly, leave) with immaculate hair and make up and appear to have had their sweat glands removed. Oh, or maybe they just don't do enough to actually make them sweat? They can be seen on their own but are more usually spotted in pairs, sometimes with one of the couple a little fatter and less attractive than the other one. Typical behaviour involves sitting on the floor mats chatting for 20 minutes and laughing raucously. I want to shout at them 'You wait until you've given birth and breast-fed a few times, you'll never look like that again!'. Finally we come to 'Populus Antiquus/Medicus Referus'. This group is invariably not appropriately dressed for exercise, often being clad in heavy shoes and thick sweaters. I don't wish to be rude (or do I?) but many in this group would benefit from some good deodorant and a nice minty toothpaste. I will not mock too much though, as I am acutely aware that in the next couple of decades I too shall be a card carrying member of 'Populus Antiquus' in the sub genus 'Rinsus Caeruleus'.
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