By rights I should not be writing this post. It goes against all the rules of what is decent and proper because I haven't got it on my 'to do list'. The things which are currently on my list are;
I am an inveterate list maker. I have lists of things to do, lists of stuff to pack for the holiday, shopping lists, ideas for blog list. The list is almost literally endless. Up in my bedroom I even have a list of hymns I might like at my funeral. I'm hoping that one will not be put to use in the near future, but you never know.
I can't speak for other people but I have my own fairly rigid view of 'list etiquette'.
1) Lists have to be written by hand on a piece of scruffy paper - an envelope, a page torn out of a diary. It has to be a stand alone piece of paper. Writing a list in a notebook is not acceptable. I have even tried writing a list on my phone on a special app I got but I can't do it. It just doesn't feel right.
2) You have to cross things off the list once you've done them. This is necessary for that sense of smug satisfaction. If you do something 'extra' (such as writing this blog) it has to be added to the list and crossed off anyway.
3) You are allowed to add sub-sections. For example, if I am writing reports and have 60 to do I can have reports a, reports b and reports c and cross off one for every 20 reports I complete.
4) I am not strict about doing my lists in order but I am sure that some people reading this have just started screaming at the very thought of doing lists randomly. These people are 'extreme listers'.
Anyway I had better stop now and add this blog post to my list so I can have the joy of crossing it off. Then I am going to phone the repeat prescription line and go and pay for my bathroom. Hooray! Only just gone 9 o'clock and three things pretty much done!
So, having spent the last few weeks dishing out the reports I am now on the receiving end, and took possession of our son's yesterday. Now, I know what you're thinking. He's in year 3. Surely his report will just say 'Bryn is eight years old and therefore knows everything. There is nothing more I can teach him'. You may laugh, but to listen to him sometimes you would think this was the case. I have spent most of my life labouring under the misapprehension that I was of at least average intelligence and am so grateful to my son for showing me how wrong I was.
Anyway, back to the report. I quickly skim read to see if I could find any obvious 'teacher code' alerting me to the fact that my son was doing poorly at school and was therefore destined to become a drug addict/petty criminal/estate agent but could see no such comments. Parts of it were quite difficult to understand and I had to ask Bryn what some sentences meant.
'He needs to use inverse relationships to verify the accuracy of an answer'
'He needs to independently use appropriate ways of presenting data ...using appropriate scales for each axis'. Whatever happened to 'Could do better'?
There were a couple of other phrases which caught my eye. In the R.E. comment it said 'This year he has learnt about submission in Islam'. Submission in Islam? How about teaching him about submission at home?! Perhaps we should convert. The other one said 'He is able to mix paint economically'. Well, that's good to know. If the whole Brain Surgeon thing doesn't work out then at least there'll be a job for him at Home Base.
Finally I had a last look through to make sure I hadn't missed anything vital. Nowhere could I see the phrase 'Bryn is a pleasure to teach'. Phew, what a relief. He is not the Head Teacher's son.
It's that time of the year where most parents will be getting their little darlings' end-of-year reports, and where most teachers will be reaching for the gin as they write their 104th comment about how well/badly little Johnny is doing.
As a teacher with nearly 20 years experience of report writing I thought I would de-code some teacher short-hand for you.
- Tom always works with enthusiasm. = Tom cannot sit still and keeps shouting out.
- Annie has an enquiring mind. = Annie never stops asking pointless questions.
- Jessica is quiet and conscientious. = Jessica is a teacher's pet.
- Hugo is a pleasure to teach. = Hugo is the Head Teacher's son.
- Sam is confident and not afraid to express his opinions = Sam is annoying and full of himself.
- I have seen a real improvement in Kyle's attitude = Kyle hasn't hit anyone this week.
- Emma has worked steadily this year and has made reasonable progress. = Emma has done sod all.
- George needs to make more effort in order to make the progress he is capable of = No chance.
