Lowering Your Standards

One of my favourite quotes is "Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." This is a much more eloquent way of putting into words what I have been saying for years. If things aren't going the way you wanted there are two choices you have. You can either change things, or if that isn't possible, you can lower your expectations. In fact there is a third choice. Stay exactly as you are and be miserable! Here are some areas of my life where I have had to accept less than perfection.

My Home:
The Dream. I have a big, spacious home in the country but close enough to pop into London, with enough room for all my husband's mess to be hidden away. The elegant driveway leads you to a beautiful, imposing front door with a gleaming brass handle and possibly a butler to open it. The rooms are tastefully decorated, furnished with choice pieces I have picked up from antiques dealers and from my world travels. I greet guests looking immaculate and with a welcoming smile as I effortlessly mingle and hand out pates of mouth-watering canapés I have prepared myself.
The Reality. I have a small, messy house which has seen better days which faces onto a busy road popular with boy racers who can't read speed limits and have appalling taste in music. The plaster is crumbling, we have a smelly hedgehog living under the stairs and the bathroom is an 80s monstrosity featuring a peach suite and wallpaper with the Latin names for flowers on it (also peach). I have to spend hours stuffing all the mess into drawers and cupboards before people come round and usually say 'shall we just get a takeaway?' to any guest brave enough to accept an invitation.

My Car:
The Dream. I have a lovely little sporty number (brand new of course) with every possible gadget you could think of. Who knows, I may even have indulged in some personalised plates. It runs like a dream and I get envious glances from people at traffic lights. I have it waxed and valeted every couple of weeks. It absolutely drinks fuel but I don't care because I'm rich. Sod the environment.
The Reality. I have had a number of cars, each one having been at least third hand. They run ok for a bit but then start rapidly falling apart. Every year it costs more to get it through the MOT than it is actually worth. It has bumps and scratches and I get smirks at the traffic lights. I use my car as an overflow wardrobe/office/skip so it is always liberally strewn with papers, apple cores and crisp packets.

My Job:
The Dream: I am a internationally acclaimed authority on Modern Spanish Literature and run my own literary translation company. When I am not at my beautiful office in Kensington I can be seen jetting off to publishing conventions all over the Spanish-speaking world, staying in 5 star hotels and generally being popular and intelligent.
The Reality: I teach Spanish to teenagers who really would rather be doing anything else and see no relevance in learning their own language, let alone someone else's. I spend my days trying to extract homework from the idle and covering up the penises they have drawn on my display boards.

Room 101: My top 5

Being a bit of an opinionated old cow, you can imagine that there are many things which I would gladly put in room 101. Here are my current top 5. I'm sure once I get going on my whinge fest I shall find it hard to stop so 5 is my self-imposed cut off point...for now.

At number 5 we have Bad Drivers. You have already heard my rant about slow drivers but they are not my only target. I am equally infuriated by the boom-boom boys who speed up our road in a narrow, residential area with lots of parked cars. Incidentally your music is crap and if I wanted to make my ears bleed I am sure I could find a more enjoyable way of doing so. Also in the bad drivers category are those who have yet to locate the switch for their lights and indicators. There are a surprisingly high number of these in Norfolk.

Number 4 sees a new entry with 'poor broadband provision'. Perhaps I am being just a touch over demanding here but if I pay for a service, I generally expect to receive it. Clearly most broadband providers are not burdened by such ethical niceties.

A non-mover at number 3. Poor grammar, especially apostrophes (or should that be apostrophe's?!)
Now, I am acutely aware that their are errors in my grammar. I get a bit confused with commas, semi-colons and colons. Fortunately my 8 year old has been giving me some lessons citing introduction of lists, linking a sub-clause to the main clause and separating items on a list. I'm getting, there; I think:

At number 2 a strange one; repeated noises. I can't stand it if an alarm or buzzer is going off for more than a few seconds. An un-answered phone can drive me to screaming point. Even some music with very repetitive lyrics can push me to the brink of insanity.

Number 1 is controversial and I know some readers will not agree with me but I loathe personalised number plates with a passion. I see no reason for them. The only purpose they can possibly serve is to say 'Look at me, I have loads of cash'. There is, however, one personalised number plate I would make an exception for and this is one which has been spotted in a nearby town and bears the letters 'NFN'. Maybe I could be persuaded to change my mind if that came up for sale ...